Bowling For Bridegrooms

Hello again! I must apologize for my disappearance these past few months; on top of my normal chaotic schedule, I've been in the process of buying a house (and stripping paint, sanding plaster, filling out paperwork, moving furniture, packing, and all the other associated complications).

But I'm going to try to resume posting regular terrors for the rest of the summer!  And since it's the first week of June, which is the traditional month of weddings, here's something to kick off the happy month:

I can't tell if this is an Italian tenor or a distressed groom facing his new mother-in-law.

Well, maybe that should be knock down instead of kick off. The poor fellow looks horrified. It's a little disturbing to think that there might have been a whole set of these terrified pins -- or perhaps just this one, with a white bowling ball hurtling toward it, trailing a bit of veil down the alley.

Eight-Legged Freak-Out

Keeping in theme with the previous post, we have another whimsical wall-hanging:

"Hehehe... hehe... HAA ha ha ha hehe!" *twitch*

And in this case, the word "whimsical" can be interpreted to mean "clearly demented and mentally unhinged, while suffering from some disfiguring multichromatic pox and a bad case of bloat."

Also, missing one appendage... assuming it's actually intended to be an octopus.  But then again, I could be jumping to conclusions.

Departing Ham

Today's terror is yet another of those head-shakers that makes you ask, "What purpose was this decoration intended to serve?"

The rear end of a pig. Not a view I generally go out of my way to see.

I mean, who wakes up in the morning and says, "Gee, I really wish I had a wall hanging of a rosy-cheeked pig's bum with the word 'BYE' carved into one ham"?

Oh, Pat Robertson.

Hello, readers!  I apologize for my absence the past week; I was out of town for a while, and due to computer troubles and life's distractions, my queued blog posts ran out before I could stock up again.

No thrift store kitsch today, but I offer you a terror of another sort:

Full article here.

Now, I firmly believe that people should have the right to believe what they want to believe, and (as you can probably tell from my previous posts) I have pretty strong personal beliefs, myself.  But I'm amused -- and kind of horrified -- by the concept of, "Eh, there might be demons, there might not, so go ahead and banish them anyway just in case."

So, how about it? Has anyone encountered a used demon at a thrift store?  Now that WOULD be a terror.

Broccolliflowegrape Mug?

Today's specimen has yet to be identified.  Here's what we know so far, agents:

• It's possibly representative of some sort of vegetative matter. Suggested theories so far are broccoli, cauliflower, or a bunch of grapes.
• It's green. Sort of. Chartreuse, perhaps, is a better description.
• It has only one arm.
• It appears to be wearing shoes.
• It has facial features, but it is somewhat difficult to differentiate them.
• It appears to be either happy or demented.
• Its hairstyle (if that is indeed hair) might have been inspired by either Elvis Presley or Mme. de Pompadour.

Just... brace yourselves.

And it's happy to seeeeeee you!

It's clearly intended to be some sort of mug.  Which presumably means that you're meant to drink out of it.  But look deep into its eyes, and tell me: Would you put this... thing... anywhere near your mouth?

I didn't think so.  Me, either.

Thanks to Yaexrae for today's submission!  (...I think.)

A Bug. A-Bug. Uh... Bug?

I... what... the...

I don't even know what to say about this one.

WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN

It's clearly some sort of bug.  On... stilts?  With striped clown pants. And bells on its ankles.  And it has a giant triangle cut out of its crotch.  Or maybe that's supposed to be a letter A... with feet?  Maybe the anklets are some sort of buggy house-arrest system?

It looks awfully happy.  I think it's waving at you.

But all that is beside the point.  We're not focusing on the real question here.  You may think the important issue is, "Who the heck comes up with this stuff?" But equally important is, "Who the heck BUYS it?!"

The Tale of the Seaquorn

Today, boys and girls, I'm going to tell you a fairy tale!

Once upon a time, in a place far, far away, was a magical land where unicorns lived.  Now, boys and girls, long ago people thought unicorns looked something like this:

And more recently, people have thought maybe unicorns looked something like this:

But you, boys and girls, know better than that!  After all, you are all smart little boys and girls who paid attention in etymology class, and you know that the word "unicorn" comes from two words:  The prefix "uni," meaning "one," and the noun "corn," meaning "corn."

Yes, that kind of corn.  On the cob.  Like you eat.

What, you don't believe me?  Well, then, how do you explain THIS?

The... Seacorse? Equorn? Seaquorn? What do you even call this?

...Well, yes; it actually does look more like a seahorse than a unicorn.  And it's in water, judging by the blue waves on its base.  But you're missing the greater point, which is WHY THE HECK WOULD ANYONE MAKE THIS?!

Now, I can see that if someone found a stunted, twisted ear of corn, they might imagine that it looked a bit like a seahorse.  But this is not an ear of corn -- this is a ceramic figurine. That someone designed. And pitched to a production company. And got approval for.  And manufactured. And convinced a buyer to stock in a store.  And someone bought.  And had in their house.

So the moral of this story, boys and girls, is... um... don't eat lead.

(Thanks to Yaexrae for today's photo submission!)