tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-41997125045327537732024-03-13T13:10:51.463-07:00Thrifty TerrorsUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger38125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4199712504532753773.post-12688055405324599042013-06-10T12:00:00.000-07:002013-06-10T12:00:01.255-07:00Daddy's Little HELLperSomeone sent me this photo from a big rummage sale they attended -- not strictly thrift store, but definitely terrifying.<br />
<br />
Someone put a lot of work into this doll! Per the tag on its foot, it has human hair and eyelashes, is artist-signed, and is called "Daddy's Little He(lper)" (I couldn't read the whole last word, but I'm assuming). But why did they give it (in the words of one commenter) the smile of Jack Nicholson? (She also said he was missing his axe, which explains the outstretched hand.)<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjycBIDnxYG83SvUtkhGTcL59MSbLheFyNY-4gDf-PQdbIOBpCsBHT7_lEWn8yCso9bAdx3RdxYBHq8gVwlkhgdi_1nqqewtiFc09KgPllSjsQwPZO4i7qrsqHpl8XhBhTemIMCfFphUrX7/s1600/hellper.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjycBIDnxYG83SvUtkhGTcL59MSbLheFyNY-4gDf-PQdbIOBpCsBHT7_lEWn8yCso9bAdx3RdxYBHq8gVwlkhgdi_1nqqewtiFc09KgPllSjsQwPZO4i7qrsqHpl8XhBhTemIMCfFphUrX7/s320/hellper.jpg" width="270" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I will devour your soul.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /><div>
Of course, I was punished for my opinion, because someone else looked at the photo and said it resembled me as a child.<br /><br />Worse yet, I can kind of see her point.<br /><br />Which, now that I consider it, raises some serious doubts... about my... personality... heh heh... Where did I leave my axe again?</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4199712504532753773.post-15282965744607443212013-06-06T12:00:00.000-07:002013-06-06T12:00:02.653-07:00Bowling For BridegroomsHello again! I must apologize for my disappearance these past few months; on top of my normal chaotic schedule, I've been in the process of buying a house (and stripping paint, sanding plaster, filling out paperwork, moving furniture, packing, and all the other associated complications).<br />
<br />
But I'm going to try to resume posting regular terrors for the rest of the summer! And since it's the first week of June, which is the traditional month of weddings, here's something to kick off the happy month:<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizH4QsHJTzWgUq8i5O_XXTqsAvflkJNHvF_o44Ix7X4BNltGm0kSF_d_5yIW2qYqAHlscz07dVsnpz7FcwjLEAUw4XwU_M_QAAcdgYNhIjfzlu1Hp_Z0B_6ue1XFRUJo_voxIeEF4WIe3x/s1600/bowling.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizH4QsHJTzWgUq8i5O_XXTqsAvflkJNHvF_o44Ix7X4BNltGm0kSF_d_5yIW2qYqAHlscz07dVsnpz7FcwjLEAUw4XwU_M_QAAcdgYNhIjfzlu1Hp_Z0B_6ue1XFRUJo_voxIeEF4WIe3x/s320/bowling.jpg" width="177" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I can't tell if this is an Italian tenor or a distressed groom facing his new mother-in-law.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Well, maybe that should be <i>knock down</i> instead of kick off. The poor fellow looks horrified. It's a little disturbing to think that there might have been a whole set of these terrified pins -- or perhaps just this one, with a white bowling ball hurtling toward it, trailing a bit of veil down the alley.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4199712504532753773.post-8314331097958086512013-03-21T22:52:00.000-07:002013-03-21T22:52:00.130-07:00What's the Holdup, Angel?<br />
This probably qualifies as a seasonal post that's, well, out of season. But frankly, there's so much trashy Christmas merchandise on the shelves that I could probably run a whole year's worth of blogs on that topic alone, so I'm throwing one in anyway.<br />
<br />
Today's terror presents a bit of an existential dilemma. I mean, heaven is supposed to be paradise -- a place of beauty and glory and perfection and eternity, right? And there are angels there, right? So theoretically, angels should be beautiful and glorious and perfect and eternal... yes?<br />
<br />
Well, whenever it's my time to go, I sincerely hope that I don't end up in any afterlife where God's operations staff look like this:<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0pfLK_USvrqMvhZDqoZ1zPdZrb5NdmEKNgaOjl_VYtd-ybnle9oRUEy0nRDQKMmz18UaPCN58ggfsL_u_LBuh_kRUGH8Uk9Fn_huFcHHeSnwYwNKgn99Yq7yc8883qJ_aNcjxwn4zw5MN/s1600/holdupangel.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0pfLK_USvrqMvhZDqoZ1zPdZrb5NdmEKNgaOjl_VYtd-ybnle9oRUEy0nRDQKMmz18UaPCN58ggfsL_u_LBuh_kRUGH8Uk9Fn_huFcHHeSnwYwNKgn99Yq7yc8883qJ_aNcjxwn4zw5MN/s320/holdupangel.jpg" width="283" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;">They got the part about <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=isaiah%206:2&version=NIV" target="_blank">six wings</a> right, but not the part about covering the feet and face. Which is kind of a shame, all things considered.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
What's even scarier than granny-angel's shocking (and aged) appearance is the fact that she's apparently being held up for her angelic pocket change, because the last person I saw reach for the sky that dramatically was Don Knotts.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4199712504532753773.post-4269072991097572822013-03-18T22:51:00.000-07:002013-03-18T22:51:00.163-07:00Blue Walrus<br />
You know what your life is missing right now?<br />
<br />
A walrus.<br />
<br />
More than that, a blue walrus. With a giant head. And a big red nose. And, uh, fuzzy whiskers. Wearing a flowered hat. Yep, that's what you need to make your life complete.<br />
<br />
Fortunately, the local thrift store can accommodate your burning need for such a walrus:<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj51Tyi3R3YtzGvavwKRRPJFKVDg3TXUljVwU_O06iqsyeK4SuPV00qI4XLjXFrOOFymA076Uhz2v_JtbR6fP39g0KbNMLDW2ifo1KCIHX-npL5vXOhvvkNu9K79H8pppO7CQTn41UTT2ga/s1600/walrus.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj51Tyi3R3YtzGvavwKRRPJFKVDg3TXUljVwU_O06iqsyeK4SuPV00qI4XLjXFrOOFymA076Uhz2v_JtbR6fP39g0KbNMLDW2ifo1KCIHX-npL5vXOhvvkNu9K79H8pppO7CQTn41UTT2ga/s320/walrus.jpg" width="229" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;">Don't forget the shifty eyes!<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4199712504532753773.post-62007926532814662142013-03-14T12:00:00.000-07:002013-03-14T12:00:04.206-07:00An Irish Wish For...It's coming up on St. Patrick's Day, a holiday that, like its fellows St. Valentine's Day and All Hallows Day, has lost pretty much any resemblance to the original holy celebration and is now about things like... well... beer.<br />
<br />
And green things.<br />
<br />
And especially beer.<br />
<br />
Of course, everyone knows that good old Patrick (<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint_Patrick" target="_blank">whoever he was</a>) had something to do with Ireland, so it's tradition to wear shamrocks and green and Notre Dame T-shirts and the like on Saint Patty's day, also while drinking green beer. And in keeping with that seasonal tradition, I bring you this warm Irish wish:<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfZWe-0Xc4qagKAoxTOOddhJ6tX-cHjsxLA2uJP2FRHZzfVCI7tbEDKtLldzp7gXHpzzgPP_GzwEKQkjrQTyD2ldNBdhCnf_XGJ8wPFIEuK_KSVDZVGWHEzsu3dm3qZ0CCQQucHeXbwm-N/s1600/liveaslongtrivet.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="318" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfZWe-0Xc4qagKAoxTOOddhJ6tX-cHjsxLA2uJP2FRHZzfVCI7tbEDKtLldzp7gXHpzzgPP_GzwEKQkjrQTyD2ldNBdhCnf_XGJ8wPFIEuK_KSVDZVGWHEzsu3dm3qZ0CCQQucHeXbwm-N/s320/liveaslongtrivet.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A traditional Irish blessing, usually bestowed right before (or as) the speaker passes out from drinking too much green beer.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
...AS WHAT?!<br />
<br />
(And just for clarity, this is a ceramic trivet. There is no print on the back side.)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4199712504532753773.post-7066509440192784412013-03-11T12:00:00.000-07:002013-03-11T12:00:02.263-07:00Highlander II: The ThrifteningUsually when I feature something on Thrifty Terrors, it's an item so mind-blowingly weird, scary, poorly made, in awful taste, or just unimaginably <i>bad </i>that I feel no qualms about laughing at it.<br />
<br />
Which is why when I found THIS treasure at Goodwill, I knew it had to go on the blog, if only as an honorable mention:<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-e4Jk5GI8Zd4ivryWIXULA6C1HJaXYpQqG_afep4lU9RBKzWClYX6j2RUSjUEJWrxuXr81oSf26xQ2a-5X12pkDhf-_UBfw7g6IzIJHCYe5uUVC4CjCz3lax_0V7o7CuhkaJp2ZrpNXwZ/s1600/highlandervhs.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-e4Jk5GI8Zd4ivryWIXULA6C1HJaXYpQqG_afep4lU9RBKzWClYX6j2RUSjUEJWrxuXr81oSf26xQ2a-5X12pkDhf-_UBfw7g6IzIJHCYe5uUVC4CjCz3lax_0V7o7CuhkaJp2ZrpNXwZ/s320/highlandervhs.jpg" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Highlander II: The Film Disavowed By Everyone Ever Involved In Highlander.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
If you're not familiar with <i>Highlander II: The Quickening</i>, you should know that it's considered by many to be one of the worst films ever made. (Don't believe me? Watch <a href="http://spoonyexperiment.com/2010/05/20/highlander-2-the-quickening-review-part-1/" target="_blank">The Spoony Experiment's review</a>.) It's so bad that the rest of the Highlander films -- which, in spite of their cult action-movie status, are not exactly the highest form of cinematic art -- booted it out of canon and refuse to acknowledge its existence in the series storyline. The movie's producers even re-edited the film and re-released it to remove all the [SPOILER] references to space aliens and flying stardust people, calling the new edit "The Renegade Cut."<br />
<br />But this is not that version. This is the original film, in all its terrible post-apocalyptic, plot-holed, planet-full-of-inconsistently-immortal-aliens glory. And it was still in plastic wrap, with K-mart discount stickers all over it. How could I do anything BUT invest 99 cents in this... er... classic?<br />
<br />
So I picked up the movie, thinking I had hit the bottom of the barrel for that particular store. But that was before I discovered a whole cache of Christopher Lambert movies.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwheLSp3KxSe9KW7Zjnp60SbY_P9gGBPrgcaZC0oaG57s0TPK903RYKOMErWZTRBrrhNZ_gvgWK_XLqc1TG2auuBd8M0Fd8vgEFc-JJdLI8KyD8eyFXzMAzLekLVudRFuEovimhvbWSuu4/s1600/highlanderlambert.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwheLSp3KxSe9KW7Zjnp60SbY_P9gGBPrgcaZC0oaG57s0TPK903RYKOMErWZTRBrrhNZ_gvgWK_XLqc1TG2auuBd8M0Fd8vgEFc-JJdLI8KyD8eyFXzMAzLekLVudRFuEovimhvbWSuu4/s320/highlanderlambert.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Nooooooooooooooo!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
The postscript to this story is strangely appropriate: Even though <i>Highlander II</i> was "new" in retail shrink wrap, when I finally opened it to show it to a group of friends, it turned out to be a used copy re-sealed in plastic. The previous viewer had stopped in the middle, and didn't even bother to rewind it.<br />
<br />
(I can't really say I blame them.)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4199712504532753773.post-43357002611441392452013-03-07T12:00:00.000-08:002013-03-07T12:00:00.531-08:00Eight-Legged Freak-OutKeeping in theme with the previous post, we have another whimsical wall-hanging:<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpTkBkxlrOV5u542AApBbpcJCHJO1-nUE3lvTqAvP6ofBklxAfZ_P_X0nGiehpMjXxGWDUQELFsfIAYpXAO6mJxCmWzMX5cDiCk5pftBUhCBNBznOMVvXM_xTgBU-HcVLMsfug6HF4eb8G/s1600/octopus.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpTkBkxlrOV5u542AApBbpcJCHJO1-nUE3lvTqAvP6ofBklxAfZ_P_X0nGiehpMjXxGWDUQELFsfIAYpXAO6mJxCmWzMX5cDiCk5pftBUhCBNBznOMVvXM_xTgBU-HcVLMsfug6HF4eb8G/s320/octopus.jpg" width="306" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Hehehe... hehe... HAA ha ha ha hehe!" *twitch*</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />And in this case, the word "whimsical" can be interpreted to mean "clearly demented and mentally unhinged, while suffering from some disfiguring multichromatic pox and a bad case of bloat."<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Also, missing one appendage... assuming it's actually intended to be an octopus. But then again, I could be jumping to conclusions.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4199712504532753773.post-12876523731622982092013-03-04T12:00:00.000-08:002013-03-04T12:00:02.390-08:00Departing HamToday's terror is yet another of those head-shakers that makes you ask, "What purpose was this decoration intended to serve?"<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCByI914HDCG0E_KK9U1XGWYxV-YI0-aodbvue0xFjWhysoWacM4j-an8Tt6LtAeJNYORqnSK50WwzDkONN6rh3d7age6kWxiiTBMefrbyhQXEuyKrhjN_Hrxx6CuJOaB75LGG_RpOEQcT/s1600/pigbum.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="280" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCByI914HDCG0E_KK9U1XGWYxV-YI0-aodbvue0xFjWhysoWacM4j-an8Tt6LtAeJNYORqnSK50WwzDkONN6rh3d7age6kWxiiTBMefrbyhQXEuyKrhjN_Hrxx6CuJOaB75LGG_RpOEQcT/s320/pigbum.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The rear end of a pig. Not a view I generally go out of my way to see.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
I mean, who wakes up in the morning and says, "Gee, I really wish I had a wall hanging of a rosy-cheeked pig's bum with the word 'BYE' carved into one ham"?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4199712504532753773.post-42919979247374078982013-02-28T12:00:00.000-08:002013-02-28T12:00:03.263-08:00Oh, Pat Robertson.Hello, readers! I apologize for my absence the past week; I was out of town for a while, and due to computer troubles and life's distractions, my queued blog posts ran out before I could stock up again.<br />
<br />
No thrift store kitsch today, but I offer you a terror of another sort:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/bDifatTTOqU?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<br />
Full article <a href="http://www.salon.com/2013/02/26/pat_robertson_there_could_be_demons_attached_to_your_thrift_store_finds/" target="_blank">here</a>.<br />
<br />
Now, I firmly believe that people should have the right to believe what they want to believe, and (as you can probably tell from my previous posts) I have pretty strong personal beliefs, myself. But I'm amused -- and kind of horrified -- by the concept of, "Eh, there might be demons, there might not, so go ahead and banish them anyway just in case."<br />
<br />
So, how about it? Has anyone encountered a used demon at a thrift store? Now that WOULD be a terror.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4199712504532753773.post-26027377651123172542013-02-11T12:00:00.000-08:002013-02-11T12:00:05.636-08:00All Hail The KweenAnyone who walks through a shopping mall is probably familiar with those kiosks that sell customized belt buckles spelling out your name (or other words, usually along the lines of "PIMP" or "SEXY") in shiny metallic letters. They're a less-subtle cousin to Italian charms and airbrushed license plates and all the other varieties of kitschy personalized junk, and they're fairly harmless in most cases.<br />
<br />
But this one made me blink:<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjE0EvfTBVEH23r2jctBEBI5ozLJvrFgQB71Jx6liMvArpj52inMjMLXiuBAHGpp7J4gPeWNq6QDQQDrF3WBw4j-407Z-NeDKz2EGMcq2jvWj_wqhIUZW-VEIJrmbwfqI5vR1fhk7aAH1iB/s1600/kween.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjE0EvfTBVEH23r2jctBEBI5ozLJvrFgQB71Jx6liMvArpj52inMjMLXiuBAHGpp7J4gPeWNq6QDQQDrF3WBw4j-407Z-NeDKz2EGMcq2jvWj_wqhIUZW-VEIJrmbwfqI5vR1fhk7aAH1iB/s320/kween.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">If I tried to wear a belt buckle this size, it would effectively serve as body armor for my lower abdomen. It would probably also weigh down my pants and make me look like I had joined an entirely different fashion trend.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Now, there are a few different meanings associated with this word, some of which can be found <a href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=kween" target="_blank">here</a> if you're not familiar with them. Some of them are unflattering and wouldn't necessarily be something I'd want to wear emblazoned on my clothing. On the other hand, this could actually be someone's name -- in which case having it on a belt buckle is understandable (though giving it to a thrift store for resale is kind of odd, since there isn't likely to be anyone else with that unusual name in the immediate area). Or perhaps someone was just trying to make a statement with an unconventional spelling and had no deeper meaning in mind.<br />
<br />
But I think it was just the tragic result of the mall kiosk running out of Qs, and hoping no one would notice.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4199712504532753773.post-75228439042309012762013-01-31T12:00:00.000-08:002013-01-31T12:00:03.751-08:00Horatio HornlawyerI understand that sometimes those overseas factories have a hard time figuring out what English-language words to put on their products. I imagine it goes something like this (in, of course, another language):<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Modeler: "Boss, I've finished the new figurine design."<br />
Boss: "Great! Get it on the production floor."</div>
<div>
Modeler: "Well, there's a problem. I don't have any titles for the books, and it looks silly to leave them blank."</div>
<div>
Boss: "Can't you just make something up?"</div>
<div>
Modeler: "I think we ought to use real book titles; otherwise, it'll look like we didn't even try."</div>
<div>
Boss: "Where are they being shipped to?"</div>
<div>
Modeler: "America, I think."</div>
<div>
Boss: "They speak English in America, right? Hey, I think our company lawyer has some English-language books in his office. Go copy those titles down and put them on the model."</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
That's the only reason I can figure that you'd end up with an adorable little sailor-suited bear playing with his model sailboat, like this:</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_JxYRrc-7pQfhc9PfdaCZoIMqEmjn1fy4sQfs_hwKUcRgsXrMlmubVFLisqXAPlIfTDlYj8_YKd0lqQqR2NHrsinkwEO30rqQ1r2sU5IFQ0s11yZPr1sG5vT50tU1BUCNaq-VKdGpXMth/s1600/taxbear1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_JxYRrc-7pQfhc9PfdaCZoIMqEmjn1fy4sQfs_hwKUcRgsXrMlmubVFLisqXAPlIfTDlYj8_YKd0lqQqR2NHrsinkwEO30rqQ1r2sU5IFQ0s11yZPr1sG5vT50tU1BUCNaq-VKdGpXMth/s320/taxbear1.jpg" width="243" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Isn't Sailor-Bear cute?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
...While sitting atop a stack of law texts:<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8QONoG0ft85SNhH8MHKLM19aHFwM-P_8dz-RzsgUBKt_8wgpyv_cXir9xH14XuFmI8z2F-7vOav_-kroIcGbZKu7eC3NFZQPN_luesK7dB5un1TRN22T8yPPdR7dad2hunwo72EoCLZm9/s1600/taxbear2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8QONoG0ft85SNhH8MHKLM19aHFwM-P_8dz-RzsgUBKt_8wgpyv_cXir9xH14XuFmI8z2F-7vOav_-kroIcGbZKu7eC3NFZQPN_luesK7dB5un1TRN22T8yPPdR7dad2hunwo72EoCLZm9/s320/taxbear2.jpg" width="251" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">He'd better be cute. If you say otherwise, he'll sue you.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4199712504532753773.post-22973331295086974962013-01-28T12:00:00.000-08:002013-01-28T12:00:06.961-08:00Syntax is Hard CrossingWith the rise of housing additions in our area, I've seen some really weird and confusing street names pop up. Sometimes it's "Stable Chase Boulevard" or "Ripple Run Drive" or "Center Crossing Circle" or other names that sound odd out of context. But now even garden stakes are becoming a jumble of awkward juxtaposition:<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgp3hNsw6ie_TUJhxRDoa62mzSFuXl0TM_3SdH7x953lAg_QU2yBVw_wrDb_nzjMICwMU9wASXav020AxIeaW5pI8yG8muzgN5C2bE2Dcgp8CLpfYwdoWpsgXOBpS8Su2BYX2JwLNn_-goJ/s1600/happinesscrossing.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgp3hNsw6ie_TUJhxRDoa62mzSFuXl0TM_3SdH7x953lAg_QU2yBVw_wrDb_nzjMICwMU9wASXav020AxIeaW5pI8yG8muzgN5C2bE2Dcgp8CLpfYwdoWpsgXOBpS8Su2BYX2JwLNn_-goJ/s320/happinesscrossing.jpg" width="256" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Is this some sort of secret drug culture code with which I'm not familiar?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4199712504532753773.post-72149144553684736452013-01-24T12:00:00.000-08:002013-01-24T12:00:04.463-08:00Free Ashtrays, Anyone?This isn't really a terror -- more of a head-scratcher. It gets an honorable mention for being thrift-store related, though.<br />
<br />
When I was in high school, my friends and I used to eat at fine dining establishments like Dairy Queen because we didn't have much money and we liked sugar. This was back in the days when smoking was still allowed in public restaurants in our city, and Dairy Queen had these sweet* little disposable foil ashtrays with stars on them. I have always hated cigarettes, but my friends and I sometimes picked up the clean ashtrays and made crafts out of them because... well, they were shiny, they were easily folded, and they had stars on them. They were also free, and we were broke high school students. We had to get our kicks somewhere.<br />
<br />
Fast forward XX years. Smoking has been prohibited in restaurants for nearly seven years in this county, and I hadn't seen those disposable ashtrays anywhere for years before that.<br />
<br />
Until this week:<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuszdh7fE_RJDFh9LhIB5E1uBJ3mSZcu7JS_jPPW3_5OWL1ztJftl7MV3NC0Yg8pu4GOsYn7huA_CBNJfIjwklzK-aq2Rx5wya-d114ZHjWTmsU1_aSDk3TjhV_73B9paiO6qr7gN3zJj3/s1600/ashtrays.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="237" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuszdh7fE_RJDFh9LhIB5E1uBJ3mSZcu7JS_jPPW3_5OWL1ztJftl7MV3NC0Yg8pu4GOsYn7huA_CBNJfIjwklzK-aq2Rx5wya-d114ZHjWTmsU1_aSDk3TjhV_73B9paiO6qr7gN3zJj3/s320/ashtrays.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The stuff of my teenage craft projects. I still have one that used to hang on my bedroom wall.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Apparently someone stole a stack of disposable ashtrays from a Dairy Queen, hoarded them for more than a decade, and then decided to donate them to Goodwill.<br />
<br />
The best part? Goodwill priced these (formerly) free, disposable items at a magnanimous 49 cents each. "Yep, ladies and gents, for only 49 cents, you can own your very own <strike>free</strike> disposable ashtray! Join us next week, when we'll be selling plastic drink lids and paper napkins for the bargain price of 29 cents!"<br />
<br />
<br />
* I use this term in the '90s slang sense meaning "awesome," not the more common usage meaning "adorable or cute."Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4199712504532753773.post-51391403986385448112013-01-21T12:00:00.000-08:002013-01-21T12:00:06.700-08:00Love Is... Creepy.If you've been reading this blog for any length of time, you've probably figured out by now that I really don't like cutesy little figurines with ditzy or affectionate sayings on them. Perhaps it's a flaw in my character, or my healthy inner snark, or perhaps I just have stronger views on the nature of love and don't feel that it can be adequately conveyed by a badly-rendered clay lump and a trite phrase.<br />
<br />
But a lot of that comes down to taste, and I have no real problem with <i>other</i> people liking such things. Except when they're really weird or creepy or odd, at which point I feel a little justified in poking fun at them.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrUIhSzAIBmp2xB2geerKxUq_EtzMYpQraCBUHcMc4qt0PXcgaeU4oQ1DT-GlH-BBdswIp-NlWT-Hhk2Sk5D_DgtXEkKyEpSrz_24bFrivx3UAGLzsQDTzJrSYqsNPFFliQJi5No5dgyhn/s1600/loveis.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrUIhSzAIBmp2xB2geerKxUq_EtzMYpQraCBUHcMc4qt0PXcgaeU4oQ1DT-GlH-BBdswIp-NlWT-Hhk2Sk5D_DgtXEkKyEpSrz_24bFrivx3UAGLzsQDTzJrSYqsNPFFliQJi5No5dgyhn/s320/loveis.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small; text-align: start;">Gives a new, creepier meaning to that Jack and Jill rhyme about pails of water.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
...And what part of love, exactly, is running around in the fields totally naked and collecting your tears in buckets? Even <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miss_Havisham" target="_blank">Miss Havisham</a> didn't go THAT far off the deep end when her boyfriend left.<br />
<br />
(Well, okay, there was that bit with the rats in the shell of the wedding cake, and the ruined dress and things. But at least the woman kept her clothes on when she went crazy.)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4199712504532753773.post-30294975301150938242013-01-17T12:00:00.000-08:002013-01-17T12:00:05.422-08:00Glowing Beaded ObjectsIn an effort to keep today's post safe for all ages, I'm going to leave the more obvious commentary up to your<i> *cough*</i> fertile imaginations.<br />
<br />
I found a stash of these lamps (yes, lamps -- see the light strands and power cords? They're stuffed full of Christmas lights) at the local thrift store. Their shapes were... perplexing. It took me a long time to figure out what they were meant to represent. Most of the confusion came from the color scheme, because my initial assessment would have been something more, uh, monochromatic.<br />
<br />
Ready to make a guess?<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjTF4BA-VzBjm6aMtqTyvENjSiZ45t9jmt6qfE6We_YRwLdDGMbR64aXIURQo6qpW0KRNabwYdehYroTmsXanCxyViGe-TeSxwZz78GlNUe07mFtOUXCnjXhXplk1nzi5VbpFAc9IyxqZk/s1600/beadlights.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjTF4BA-VzBjm6aMtqTyvENjSiZ45t9jmt6qfE6We_YRwLdDGMbR64aXIURQo6qpW0KRNabwYdehYroTmsXanCxyViGe-TeSxwZz78GlNUe07mFtOUXCnjXhXplk1nzi5VbpFAc9IyxqZk/s320/beadlights.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Just picture one of these as a nightlight, and it gets even creepier.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Did you guess a lighthouse? Well, neither did I, the first few times I walked by them, but that's the only G-rated thing I can come up with. After all, they do light up. Just like a lighthouse. Or... yeah. No. I don't really get it, either.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4199712504532753773.post-87290515677624390982013-01-14T12:00:00.000-08:002013-01-14T12:00:06.860-08:00Broccolliflowegrape Mug?Today's specimen has yet to be identified. Here's what we know so far, agents:<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>It's possibly representative of some sort of vegetative matter. Suggested theories so far are broccoli, cauliflower, or a bunch of grapes.</li>
<li>It's green. Sort of. Chartreuse, perhaps, is a better description.</li>
<li>It has only one arm.</li>
<li>It appears to be wearing shoes.</li>
<li>It has facial features, but it is somewhat difficult to differentiate them.</li>
<li>It appears to be either happy or demented.</li>
<li>Its hairstyle (if that is indeed hair) might have been inspired by either Elvis Presley or Mme. de Pompadour.</li>
</ul>
<br />
Just... brace yourselves.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQwal2FtzlCuk7bPz9NnBTeiyT0M6PQPbkALhiNDKWWLiousWKJJjj1g3ppU-7e7YTb1tWMylw1V9pAQFxZoZy0MHRFMuiM7f7TpXABrSnYAf0XbW9U8OBd5IIR9hT8nyFREvSlHl03d_7/s1600/cauliflowermug.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQwal2FtzlCuk7bPz9NnBTeiyT0M6PQPbkALhiNDKWWLiousWKJJjj1g3ppU-7e7YTb1tWMylw1V9pAQFxZoZy0MHRFMuiM7f7TpXABrSnYAf0XbW9U8OBd5IIR9hT8nyFREvSlHl03d_7/s320/cauliflowermug.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">And it's happy to seeeeeee you!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
It's clearly intended to be some sort of mug. Which presumably means that you're meant to drink out of it. But look deep into its eyes, and tell me: Would you put this... thing... anywhere near your mouth?<br />
<br />
I didn't think so. Me, either.<br />
<br />
Thanks to Yaexrae for today's submission! (...I think.)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4199712504532753773.post-74281605414388121662013-01-10T12:00:00.000-08:002013-01-10T12:00:00.222-08:00Shoot No EvilThis creepy little monkey looks like it must have once been a part of one of those <i>sanzaru </i>sets (the ubiquitous "See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil" monkeys). Unfortunately, it seems that this little guy failed to keep his mouth shut and ticked off Don Corleone or somebody, because he has what appears to be a neat bullet hole through his forehead:<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjarE_LZfpiIlKSTRsvctleJCZAIEdPdZoJ9wl95Z-1PbpoxiIFEFT4m5ZimxUOB9_DsIxQyyIfa-KdmpWstEIVJiI66ZvRybb_fOjVkiuTDU8HNMJJELwRI8ik8H5b58YW69Zy-nsDd74T/s1600/bulletmonkey.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjarE_LZfpiIlKSTRsvctleJCZAIEdPdZoJ9wl95Z-1PbpoxiIFEFT4m5ZimxUOB9_DsIxQyyIfa-KdmpWstEIVJiI66ZvRybb_fOjVkiuTDU8HNMJJELwRI8ik8H5b58YW69Zy-nsDd74T/s320/bulletmonkey.jpg" width="209" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Either he's speaking no evil, or he's smirking because he's secretly mocking you. I'm voting for the second option.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Granted, I have never particularly liked anthropomorphic simians in any context (except perhaps <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zpjBct8mD2I" target="_blank">this one</a>), but knocking them off like the proverbial shooting-gallery ducks them seems a bit extreme.<br />
<br />
So I'm guessing the hole actually supposed to be some sort of candle vent or something (though the whole back of the figure is hollow, so it shouldn't need one), but why would you design a figure with an opening right THERE? It just looks really weird.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4199712504532753773.post-76126288268591996972013-01-07T12:00:00.000-08:002013-01-07T12:00:02.371-08:00A Bug. A-Bug. Uh... Bug?I... what... the...<br />
<br />
I don't even know what to say about this one.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyupRgKAinlacsTF0yrDBSDxLp9dAQc4pCemb15kd3oDbgq3kmOOtg9yHa6fRrClgEQgTsNcjup6njEet17l8nnI8p3fQyWVwWjkEAE1ZPG4SRQ4lfhYL_b8kPZUIcGz-e6VP8UnrDvFRb/s1600/a-bug.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyupRgKAinlacsTF0yrDBSDxLp9dAQc4pCemb15kd3oDbgq3kmOOtg9yHa6fRrClgEQgTsNcjup6njEet17l8nnI8p3fQyWVwWjkEAE1ZPG4SRQ4lfhYL_b8kPZUIcGz-e6VP8UnrDvFRb/s320/a-bug.jpg" width="250" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span id="goog_308536389"></span><span id="goog_308536390"></span>It's clearly some sort of bug. On... stilts? With striped clown pants. And bells on its ankles. And it has a giant triangle cut out of its crotch. Or maybe that's supposed to be a letter A... with feet? Maybe the anklets are some sort of buggy house-arrest system?<br />
<br />
It looks awfully happy. I think it's waving at you.<br />
<br />
But all that is beside the point. We're not focusing on the real question here. You may think the important issue is, "Who the heck comes up with this stuff?" But equally important is, "Who the heck BUYS it?!"Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4199712504532753773.post-18233216524809235592013-01-03T12:00:00.000-08:002013-01-03T12:00:04.016-08:002-pack: Counting Is HardNo, that's not the latest single from an undead rapper.<br />
<br />
This is technically not a Thrifty Terror, since it's in a retail store and not a true thrift or secondhand shop -- but it's a dollar store, so we'll give it an honorable mention.<br />
<br />
I was walking through the baby supplies aisle, and noticed that everything this particular company sells comes in a 2-pack, labeled as such in the upper right-hand corner. As advertised, many of the packages did, indeed, come with two items: Two plates; two bowls with lids; two bottles; twelve spoons...<br />
<br />
Wait -- twelve?<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxRQvkjqX9vRLhAemtQyN_pWAQ1Gd2MbuHOw8JUa1h-QKzZpyYLM4bhqJkch0-uCaejaBaxUQWRRGBV2GxtBZwftgRRG15FCSHrLNPRkm7g8U3aUHxhlCVXH2JtOjpPQZ-FlD9m7pDoPRq/s1600/2pack.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxRQvkjqX9vRLhAemtQyN_pWAQ1Gd2MbuHOw8JUa1h-QKzZpyYLM4bhqJkch0-uCaejaBaxUQWRRGBV2GxtBZwftgRRG15FCSHrLNPRkm7g8U3aUHxhlCVXH2JtOjpPQZ-FlD9m7pDoPRq/s320/2pack.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Counting is hard.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div>
Yep. Guess it's too much work to ask the graphic designer to stick a 1 in front of the 2 on the product card. *facepalm*</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4199712504532753773.post-64900195781241159832012-12-27T18:54:00.000-08:002012-12-27T18:54:00.313-08:00This is Representational Art. I Think.Is this one of those Magic Eye things? Because I've always been really bad at those...<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPQp04lblzHvI9i8ux9edpCPE4HQ6CUKZxxQoG9ULm_5sqlV3AN6bk1QRL4nHG3J6uqQvlLgzWSRXsUX8jhODqCPhzqycTtyGbnt7M5Y1vVTwATRzuxA8z3HQZzYsraNgQ_cohzDE8Sd7n/s1600/plate.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPQp04lblzHvI9i8ux9edpCPE4HQ6CUKZxxQoG9ULm_5sqlV3AN6bk1QRL4nHG3J6uqQvlLgzWSRXsUX8jhODqCPhzqycTtyGbnt7M5Y1vVTwATRzuxA8z3HQZzYsraNgQ_cohzDE8Sd7n/s320/plate.jpg" width="316" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'm pretty sure this actually belongs on <a href="http://www.cakewrecks.com/" target="_blank">Cake Wrecks</a>.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div>
I see flowers. I can get the flowers... And then there's that thing in the middle...</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
After staring at this for a while, we decided that it was supposed to be a girl smelling a flower. But there's some weirdness going on with the head, like the fact that it's shaped like a kidney bean, and half of the face is missing (zoom in -- it's creepy!), and there's no lower torso -- she (it?) is just floating there like a ghost, splotchy red fabric rippling in the breeze. Maybe that explains the watery bloodstains around the outer edge.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I'm desperately hoping that this is a handmade home project, though, which would allow us to cut it some slack for being amateur work instead of commercially-produced. It's on a commercial saucer, but it's just possible that the decor was added after-market. I wouldn't have a problem with this being a kid's art project in school; but I would be pretty astonished by someone paying money for it in a store.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4199712504532753773.post-72591929667769814932012-12-20T12:00:00.000-08:002012-12-20T12:00:06.283-08:00Spheriform Santa<br />
Okay... I know Santa Claus is supposed to be plump and jolly, but representing him as an actual <i>sphere</i> is a bit much:<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVcgfCFckH6Ig4HyKDVG-hQm1zPMHR8NvmdcZTAOK3q-eQKPYc5jDphYf5uIrLWN-nf1d_5Dtq9rauXrEex4bdPKTktgwWJXK3wuq1S64yNpekPXQ6vS1MyEqatYbOaA1UFWMi123a-CQB/s1600/santa.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVcgfCFckH6Ig4HyKDVG-hQm1zPMHR8NvmdcZTAOK3q-eQKPYc5jDphYf5uIrLWN-nf1d_5Dtq9rauXrEex4bdPKTktgwWJXK3wuq1S64yNpekPXQ6vS1MyEqatYbOaA1UFWMi123a-CQB/s320/santa.jpg" width="258" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;">"Ho Ho Hoooo... whoooaa!" *rolls away*</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Yep, that's an actual ball-shaped body. Note that it's not a Christmas tree ornament, which might make sense given traditional blown-glass Christmas balls... it's a figurine, meant to sit around on tables and terrify small children with its rolypolyosity.<br />
<br />
Or perhaps this is in the off season, and Santa just puts on weight as he rests up from all that hard gift-delivering. After all, Saint Nick is clad only in green long johns here, instead of his usual fur-lined coat and pants. Maybe that's what he wears (along with his ruffled red hat) when he goes fishing in the tropics.<br />
<br />
Speaking of fish -- in my quest to bring you the most accurate blog post possible, I engaged in meticulous research (read: a quick Google search) and discovered that there is actually a reason for Santa to be carrying a fish here. There's apparently an <a href="http://www.stnicholascenter.org/pages/small-fish-story/" target="_blank">Irish folk tale</a> about Saint Nicholas bringing magic fish to a widow.<br />
<br />
...Yeah. It's pretty weird. I prefer the one where he stuffs people's socks full of cash.<br />
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4199712504532753773.post-12299656184180355352012-12-17T12:00:00.000-08:002012-12-17T12:00:08.020-08:00Undead Christmas DeerThe holidays are a time when tradition reigns supreme. Growing up, my Christmas experience was no exception to this rule -- though in my family, it was as much for reasons of frugality as for love of tradition. My grandparents lived through the Great Depression, and those conservative fiscal habits were deeply ingrained in us at an early age (meaning I come by my thrift-store shopping honestly!).<br />
<br />
Because we tended to reuse and recycle rather than buying new things, much of our holiday decor hailed from previous decades. One house rule was that we didn't buy new gift wrap until we finished off what we already had, including the stockpile we'd inherited when my grandfather died. This meant that we were still wrapping gifts in paper from the 1960s -- hot pink and lime green and very mod -- until I was in college. (Around the year 2000 my mother rebelled and started buying gift bags, but I wouldn't be surprised if there were still some 1960s gift wrap in the attic.) We also have an aluminum Christmas tree (the kind Charlie Brown refused to buy in <i>A Charlie Brown Christmas</i>), ornaments dating back to the 1940s, and loads of vintage decor items around the house. I attribute much of my fondness for midcentury kitsch to being surrounded by it during the holidays growing up.<br />
<br />
So imagine my delight when I happened across these cute deer at Goodwill a couple of months ago! They're rather shabby and badly-painted, but I quite liked them; they reminded me of the miniature deer I used to tie to Scotch tape dispensers and cram into the branches of our tree. (Hey, when you're five years old, a tape dispenser looks kind of like a sleigh from the side.)<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY3hOigoLQDZ1-A__MbjdyVXYRiW8SkwQnSrZ6Emks6irmAYpP-w_5gjHAm60fBtWUhh_eeQELo_j5Ry32H7Bhf7-c-tCrQBLNX-i8UQdQ1pfSmkGZZv_FxdBnmh8rwxQj_O7uRubCrh44/s1600/reindeer1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY3hOigoLQDZ1-A__MbjdyVXYRiW8SkwQnSrZ6Emks6irmAYpP-w_5gjHAm60fBtWUhh_eeQELo_j5Ry32H7Bhf7-c-tCrQBLNX-i8UQdQ1pfSmkGZZv_FxdBnmh8rwxQj_O7uRubCrh44/s320/reindeer1.jpg" width="253" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Christmas kitsch at its kitschiest.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
But I noticed something odd -- that seam around the neck. At first I thought they were containers of some kind, but on closer inspection I decided that it was just easier for the manufacturer to line up the hollow molds there than to do a side-by-side mold with the skinny antlers and legs.<br />
<br />
A major problem with vintage items is that some of the materials don't age well. In this case, it was the adhesive that failed. Because when I tried to pick up one of the deer...<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihGLxCY7oZz_1EdImW9qjV_M5ow5UY-yvPceu9LcJkwPE7QCFo1dhLilrl5ae5FvtpS-_oymC7qxkPrbYF5klPug8_PtwCiSzjrznRKn1tgcrMoY0eqvHBVOOpdN_tzY1pkFb9iDPUntTW/s1600/reindeer2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihGLxCY7oZz_1EdImW9qjV_M5ow5UY-yvPceu9LcJkwPE7QCFo1dhLilrl5ae5FvtpS-_oymC7qxkPrbYF5klPug8_PtwCiSzjrznRKn1tgcrMoY0eqvHBVOOpdN_tzY1pkFb9iDPUntTW/s320/reindeer2.jpg" width="226" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">GAAAAAHHH!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Well, that was disturbing. So much so that (after taking the photo) I initially walked away without buying them... and when I went back later to pick them up, they'd been snatched up by some other lover of kitsch. A week later, I saw someone selling a similar pair of deer for ten dollars, and there were at least five people fighting over them. Apparently I'm not the only one who's nostalgic about Christmas decor.<br />
<br />
Lesson learned: Always buy your undead headless zombie Christmas deer the first time around.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4199712504532753773.post-63080420019755272022012-12-13T12:00:00.000-08:002012-12-13T12:00:07.182-08:00Attack of the One-Eyed SnowmenThere is a horror creeping among us -- a rash of ghostly one-eyed beings of ice, who, with their mocking smiles and curving orange noses, are attempting to infiltrate our homes and spy upon us with their 50% vision. They masquerade as rosy-cheeked holiday decorations. Some wear seasonal earmuffs and scarves:<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-jYTt1gO5krctPuqGOE2iFVSQ8EhjRv3K1YczYvbCbtkHsoG1ztVlkUwN-os2Nsmr6JnRoIej5R3lAltD5yaAUrLapBMBWcXpq3UHwkAxhBGkTHmq3A1sxM3c7rgp1E4Z38bxbWqa3yAF/s1600/snowman1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-jYTt1gO5krctPuqGOE2iFVSQ8EhjRv3K1YczYvbCbtkHsoG1ztVlkUwN-os2Nsmr6JnRoIej5R3lAltD5yaAUrLapBMBWcXpq3UHwkAxhBGkTHmq3A1sxM3c7rgp1E4Z38bxbWqa3yAF/s200/snowman1.jpg" width="173" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I seeeeee you... but not well.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Others dress more plainly, their features fading in and out of view:</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPzsGjViQr6gbC7wHtqwyhyphenhyphenk6XETpu3soa_F0BTLa8sJdNNbFR98zuagO0nJF_tNy4IEPqozAnhQeI_ANP5Z__qzZzYvz8pIgtIZsPPjhFtMp6c5JYQXet11x8wJEJL5hEyuZfoXMyMq-j/s1600/snowman2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="198" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPzsGjViQr6gbC7wHtqwyhyphenhyphenk6XETpu3soa_F0BTLa8sJdNNbFR98zuagO0nJF_tNy4IEPqozAnhQeI_ANP5Z__qzZzYvz8pIgtIZsPPjhFtMp6c5JYQXet11x8wJEJL5hEyuZfoXMyMq-j/s320/snowman2.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lumpy snow is the creepiest snow!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
(Or perhaps snowmen, like <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daruma_doll">daruma dolls</a>, need to have their second eye filled in by the person who buys them.)<br />
<br />
But as scary as these one-eyed snowmen might be, above all, beware the fearsome <i>two</i>-eyed snowmen -- for if you look directly into their icy eyes, you could become... <i>mesmerized</i>.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiE_GBwFMQbm_ZEtSX8fCJROZDsJFJ6ym7qX0ftCOzZI5GzibngrBQdO5RHHdZYnXx4xmV-nChmknyvjoCmC31yobAACaKz-p9yAaoyW4n6DFKMhUgbC-IF7yS4A3UtYEF_SwF-D-wSu0IX/s1600/snowman3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiE_GBwFMQbm_ZEtSX8fCJROZDsJFJ6ym7qX0ftCOzZI5GzibngrBQdO5RHHdZYnXx4xmV-nChmknyvjoCmC31yobAACaKz-p9yAaoyW4n6DFKMhUgbC-IF7yS4A3UtYEF_SwF-D-wSu0IX/s320/snowman3.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
(And if you have ever attended the <a href="http://historicartcrafttheatre.org/" target="_blank">Historic Artcraft Theatre</a>, I guarantee you just heard that in Rob Shilts's voice.)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4199712504532753773.post-17481088531633373222012-12-10T12:00:00.000-08:002012-12-10T12:00:01.018-08:00Ginger Jesus, and a (Long) Rant(Not kidding about the rant. You've been warned.)<br />
<br />
If you live in the same hemisphere that I do, you've undoubtedly noticed that it's nearing Christmas. (The stores have been stocking holiday items since July -- they don't let you forget.) Whether you celebrate it as a religious or secular holiday (or not at all), you probably already know that Christmas is named after somebody.<br />
<br />
Just so we're clear, this isn't him:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8UrxZOvZLoCBYbo2hEujLKkoJzWgLDhN5qdhdHF3On6X2RnQofHDUrQ34MNFFwVTCJAwyzd3HBLzadXfe0reVELj6evMGQqdoijCALnHOPS1ybAgDEdG835WPoZ6FL6snvWcChVTUkSd3/s1600/gingerjesus.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8UrxZOvZLoCBYbo2hEujLKkoJzWgLDhN5qdhdHF3On6X2RnQofHDUrQ34MNFFwVTCJAwyzd3HBLzadXfe0reVELj6evMGQqdoijCALnHOPS1ybAgDEdG835WPoZ6FL6snvWcChVTUkSd3/s640/gingerjesus.jpg" width="442" /></a></div>
<br />
I'm not sure who this is, but I've read the Bible, and I don't recall any mention of Jesus wearing a mop of wilted lettuce as a hat, or having measles, or wearing Adam Lambert-quantities of eyeliner. And while we're counting offenses, let's mention the color scheme: I don't think "lily of the valleys" was referring to his skin color. Nor was there a plethora of ginger-headed Jews running around in the first century, as far as I know. Adding to the insult is the fact that this torso-less head is perched on an iridescent-glazed pedestal that is finished <i>much</i> more nicely than anything above it, as if the whole bust is no different than a souvenir piggy-bank head of Thomas Jefferson from the gift shop at Monticello.*<br />
<br />
I know, I know; that's supposed to be a crown of thorns and blood. But thorns aren't green and leafy; and even if they were, the punctures are nowhere near them -- there's even one down on his cheekbone. It's not an unrecognizable representation; it's just <i>bad</i>. Really, really bad. This piece is supposed to represent anguish and suffering -- the passion of the Christ -- but it looks more like someone tried to craft Jesus as a cute anime character with a silly hat.<br />
<br />
Admittedly, this is a particular hot button with me. Bad devotional art (of any variety, or any religion for that matter) has always offended me more than bad generic art. Anyone making art (/music/literature/etc.) to express their beliefs should be pouring all their effort into their creation; if this is meant to be a symbol of devotion, honoring what is most important to you personally, TRY HARDER. I mean, not every religious work has to be on par with the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sistine_Chapel_ceiling" target="_blank">Sistine Chapel</a> or the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mosque_of_C%C3%B3rdoba" target="_blank">Mosque of Córdoba</a> -- but if it's representing what you believe is responsible for your eternal soul, you should at least be able to look at it without flinching.<br />
<br />
And I'm equally offended by bad mass-produced commercial devotional merchandise (like the above example), because the fact that it exists means consumers bought it, just because of its religious nature, with little or no consideration for the quality (or accuracy, or intent) of the work. Just because something is religious does not automatically grant it artistic merit, any more than a book shelved in the Romance section of the bookstore must have intrinsically good story structure. In fact, I'd argue that "religious" works (by which I mean things relating to or inspired by a belief system, since I think the word religion can be very misleading) should be held to a higher standard of quality than secular works.<br />
<br />
I liken it to those engraved name souvenirs you see in tourist traps and gas stations. Most of them are pretty ugly or trashy -- how many people would really pay $5.99 for a plastic cutout of a flip-flop with a magnet hot-glued to the back? But when someone sees their grandchild's name, they say, "How cute! Let's buy one of these for little Sarah! It has her name on it."<br />
<br />
But really, they don't mean it's cute. <i>Sarah</i> may be cute, but the magnet is still ugly -- only now it's ugly with Sarah's name on it. Frankly, if I'm going to own something with my name on it, I'd rather it be something <i>nice</i> that I enjoy looking at -- not a plastic flip-flop. The considerate thought (gift-giving) is there, but it falls short of full consideration (taste or functionality of the gift).<br />
<br />
Merchandising to religious groups works much the same way. A company can produce something mediocre at the lowest price possible, because they know they can sell it to people of that group without putting in the extra effort to make it good, simply because it's "spiritual" or "religious" or "devotional" or whatever they want to call it this week. That's how we end up with Ginger Jesus up there, and the Last Supper Canister Set (referenced in my first post), and creepy concrete Buddha garden statues, and chintzy pot-metal necklaces of pagan symbols at the discount store. Anyone who believes strongly enough in their chosen system to use/wear/read/meditate/decorate with images from it has the right to demand that what they buy is not insulting to their God and/or beliefs! But often, unfortunately, they don't.<br />
<br />
<b>TL;DR: If you're making something on a subject you truly care about, make it good. If you're buying merchandise related to something you care about, make sure it's good. Don't settle for trash just because they slapped your particular label on it.</b><br />
<br />
Whew. Okay, done ranting for the week. (Until something else pushes a button.)<br />
<br />
<br />
* Which, by the way, I would also find kind of demeaning -- though at least Jefferson has the topical connection of a coin with his head on it. Which you could... put inside his head. "Yo, dawg, I heard you liked nickels, so I put a bank in your Jefferson so you can put Jefferson's head in Jefferson's head." Nope; doesn't quite work. Maybe a heads/tails pun? Or maybe I should quit while I'm... a<b><i>head</i></b>.<br />
<br />
*rimshot*<br />
<br />
*crickets*<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4199712504532753773.post-71267443387107920802012-12-06T12:00:00.000-08:002012-12-29T16:52:22.350-08:00Nightmare NutcrackerHolidays always bring out the most... interesting... seasonal merchandise. In addition to the artfully crafted and expensive holiday wares, stores are flooded with cheap kitschy decorations and do-it-yourself kits.<br />
<br />
Some of these decorations are fine for one-time use, or make good inexpensive substitutes for those of us trying to save a little money on our holiday celebrations. But others can make you question not only the sanity, but the sheer <i>humanity</i> of the manufacturers responsible for them.<br />
<br />
Take, for example, this nutcracker figurine:<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpYh2_NfI_n69ImucTcke0Ti2_Ng8Sypj621DFCm_tm2HJPl-wFTGZ01mM325zVbi0uD0nstOU_qWt2psJMuFlkB9xKn9M7e3MyPHQdWwich0ZtNhWEyBtrzk4wvK-1he3oEpCUwHIy1MC/s1600/nutcracker.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpYh2_NfI_n69ImucTcke0Ti2_Ng8Sypj621DFCm_tm2HJPl-wFTGZ01mM325zVbi0uD0nstOU_qWt2psJMuFlkB9xKn9M7e3MyPHQdWwich0ZtNhWEyBtrzk4wvK-1he3oEpCUwHIy1MC/s320/nutcracker.jpg" width="206" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This nutcracker has been cracking too many coffee beans.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
My eyes jump around all over the place when looking at this, almost like it's vibrating. I can't tell if he's trembling in homicidal rage or just overcaffeinated, but either way, I can tell you that I wouldn't want him in my house, grimacing at me in ochre-faced fury <i>all day long</i>.<br />
<br />
<br />
UPDATE: I thought at first that this might have been an unfortunate case of hand-painting, like those kids' craft projects that people buy to keep the little ones occupied while they wrap Christmas gifts in the other room. But in the past few weeks, I've seen *three* of these at various different thrift stores, all with equally bad paint jobs. So apparently they're not only mass-produced, but universally donated.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0